creative process, lisa lillibridge, south dakota, identity, vermont, midlife, psychology, creativity, south dakota photographyLISA LILLIBRIDGE

According to Psychology Today, “The average high school kid has the same anxiety level of the average psychiatric patient of the early 1950s”. I just can’t stop thinking about this. As parents we all want the best for our kids but is what we’re doing working if our kids have this much stress and anxiety? There have always been shifts in parenting styles. Each generation wants to correct the perceived “wrongs” from how they were parented and it seems like we are at a crucial point of correction…the pendulum in my estimation swung way too far from how we were parented.

lisa lillibridge kindness cooperation

If anxiety is looking forward…what does this say about our generation’s parenting style? Have we modeled adult lives that look appealing? Are the daunting questions of our day too much for our kids—the environment, money, health, authenticity, meaning and relevance?

I grew up in a small town in South Dakota in the 1970s and 80s. I could drive at fourteen. I started working summer jobs at the age of eleven. I had a lot of independence. My husband and I both grew up in small towns and we had young parents. I think it had a big impact on our parenting choices. We wanted to do some things “old school” and not get caught in the trappings of our generation. However, this is really challenging.

I have made lots and lots of parenting mistakes (as my teenagers will happily discuss with anyone). However, there is a big difference between how we parented our son who is 4.3 years older than his twin sisters. We hovered more. We took care of things and pushed about homework, often at the detriment of family life and the harmony of our home. Sorry Ellis. We chose not to do this to our girls (at least not as much) and thankfully even in a four year time span there is a lot more being studied about: too much homework, the need for more downtime, the opportunity to daydream, decompress and relax.

I want my children happy AND I believe in pushing them to develop new skills.

It’s those COMPETING COMMITMENTS that trip me up constantly.

I don’t think these things have to be mutually exclusive.

I want to be attentive to the way I push my kids.

Am I encouraging my kids to do things that make me look good? YIKES!

Our world needs innovation, kindness, generosity & curiosity.

How do we nurture those skills in a hyper-virtual connectedness, competitive, highly structured environment?

It can be done.

We just have to get creative.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anxiety-files/200804/how-big-problem-is-anxiety

After visiting my family in Burke, South Dakota (population 670ish) last week I’ve returned home to Vermont and made a few discoveries. I thought I’d share them and maybe you’ve experienced something similar at some point in your life. As always, I would love to have you shoot me an e-mail and share your thoughts.

Burke Cape Cod Vermont Lisa Lillibridge

This is a mash-up of where I’ve spent the most time in my life.

South Dakota/23 years • Vermont/25 years • Massachusetts/Lots of summers/holidays

1) As a nearly 49 year old woman (October 12th) I no longer visit my childhood home feeling like a child. It helps when my husband comes with me. I feel more in touch with my adult life…and much less so when it’s just me and the kids.

2) My children are rapidly growing up and I’m no longer a parent of “young kids”. GOOD.

3) I don’t feel particularly old except that I need “readers” in every damn room.

4) I basically like who I’ve grown to become AND I know that I’ll spend the rest of my life getting to know myself better. I’m up for the challenge and hopefully the people I’ve chosen to date are up for it too.

5) Life isn’t easy and sometimes during the hard stuff all we can do is “show up” for our people. However, the hard stuff makes you grow and the good stuff is just pretty wonderful. And I’m slowly learning (very slowly) to let the bullshit slide. It isn’t worth my energy now.

6) At this age I am more deliberate about my time, my people and choices. I think “deliberate” feels awesome in nearly every context.

7) Sometimes this age feels like a second adolescence. I like it, my twin daughters and I are in it together—which is sometimes adorable and sometimes really NOT…but always interesting. One day they will find it all very funny, I think.

ad·o·les·cence

ˌadəˈlesəns/

noun

noun: adolescence

the period following the onset of puberty during which a young person develops from a child into an adult.

OR, the period before menopause when you no longer have to take care of little kids, naps are OK, preparing meals is optional & you worry a helluva lot less about what people think.

photo_2

This photo is our shared sorrow over the end of the “van years”. I had to fake my sadness, actually. I now drive a VW Passat and I don’t really miss my van…except maybe listening to movies on road trips. But, now we listen to the TED Radio Hour, This American Life and The Moth on NPR. We save them up for our trips and they always provide remarkable discussions.

Here are a few links you might enjoy:

A great TED Talk on aging: http://www.npr.org/2015/06/19/414999589/why-should-we-look-forward-to-getting-older

This is an interesting site that was referenced on the TED Radio Hour last week—Stanford Center on Longevity. http://longevity3.stanford.edu/

Cheers,

Lisa sig

LISA LILLIBRIDGE

SPARK & MUSE

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This is staggering.

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TED Radio Hour, second adolescence & hopefully gaining some wisdom

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