the absurdity of midlife…

I love this stage of life…now anyway. At 52, I feel somewhat betwixt & between, not yet old, but clearly no longer young. I have to admit that loving midlife was a slow burn, a process requiring acceptance, laughter, more acceptance, a whole lot of grace and then a nap from the exhaustion of it all.

Midlife seems to have the best analog to middle school for me. Uncertainty. Flop sweats. Mood swings. Junk food cravings. Fear of what others think of me (this is waning substantially now though). Fortunately, at this tender age, I understand that trying something new isn’t so scary, it’s just really exciting.

Actually an epic fail of attempting something new might even have more value than success…at least when viewed through the lens of COMEDY and not EGO.

With that said…

My late, All-American discus throwing Dad/coach and I are heading west to compete in the National Senior Games in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I’m terrified, excited, moderately well-prepared and hoping to NOT make a fool of myself. However, if I do, I will have a funny story to share anyway. I’m sure Dad and I will travel well together. Although he might be surprised how many times I want tacos and how much I appreciate good tequila. Oh well, travel’s meant to be a perspective expanding adventure, right? I’ll eat lots of ice cream in his honor.

Throwing the discus in midlife has connected me to my younger and far more athletic self. My senior year of high school I forgot my discus on my way to the state track meet. I was so damn excited about seeing, “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” with my friend, Jon that it slipped my mind. Using a borrowed discus, I threw my best ever distance and ended up with the silver medal. I wish I could locate my 1984 yearbook.

My goal in Albuquerque is to toss one that beats my qualifying throw of 69′ 9″ last June in Vermont. Full disclosure, there were only two of us in our age division.

I inherited this autographed discus from the many sports artifacts decorating my Dad’s office. Alfred Oerter Jr. was the first athlete to win a gold medal in the same individual event in four consecutive Olympic Games. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al_Oerter

I throw next Tuesday morning (hopefully, I remember my discus). Wednesday evening is the “Walk of States”. We will do our very best to represent the 802.

Our team has an 84-year-old decathlete, Flo. I can’t wait to watch her compete. Talk about aging with some serious grit. https://www.mysuncoast.com/2019/03/12/year-old-vermont-woman-still-travels-world-pole-vaulting-competitor/

I encourage everyone to seek out competing in your state’s Senior Games. It’s really fun, the stories and the people are so inspiring. Your only qualification is that you have to be fifty-years old by the time of registration. Here’s the link: https://nsga.com/

Wish me luck and try throwing yourself into something new…there’s always added value in having another story squirreled away in your comic arsenal.

i was going to write a post about…

ego death and then about a bunch of stuff I’m interested in right now. I find myself wanting to post less and less lately. For what it’s worth, here’s a list of my recent sparks. I see patterns emerge when I look at what’s taking up most of my thought time.

Sarah Blondin’s mediation on the INSIGHT app: Our Warring Self vs. Our Infinite Self. The time I showed up as a warrior for far too long when what was require of me was heart space. I noticed. I hope I can keep noticing. https://insighttimer.com/sarahblondin/guided-meditations/our-warring-self-vs-our-infinite-self

I really miss my Dad...the term Fatherless Daughter just hits me at the oddest times…especially with my girls are home from college now. Damn.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/35-hilarious-quotes-about-fatherhood-from-jim-gaffigan_n_5b3a9b01e4b05127cceb56ea

You Tube discus throwing videos, The National Senior Games are really soon. This is also about my Dad and connecting with my inner young athlete again.

Bowen Family theory https://thebowencenter.org/theory/eight-concepts/

Addiction is a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry. The brain uses an equal opportunity reward system, unable to distinguish drugs from behaviors or thought loops. https://www.asame..org/resources/definition-of-addiction

Low residency MFA programs, writing workshops, retreats where I could write, do some chores and go horseback riding out west. Any suggestions would be most welcomed. (Most google searches now.)

Patti Smith, Robert Mapplethorp, Andy Warhol, Janis Joplin, Sam Shepard…1960-70s New York City photographs.

New York Times Persian Food recipes I want to make, but probably won’t.

I want to go horseback riding out west and in Iceland.

What’s dominating your thoughts and google searches today, this week or year?