top rack only

On this Mother’s Day, I really wanted to be honest with myself about it all. Mothering my kids has been heart-shatteringly beautiful and sometimes just plain heart-shattering, without the beauty part to soften the daily blows. 

I can’t change anything and regret is a waste of energy anyway.  If I try to tamp the regrets down, I know they will leak out in uncomfortable ways at inconvenient times. 

Recently I noticed the TOP RACK ONLY button on the dishwasher.  “Jeff and I will be a top rack only couple probably a few nights a week when the girls leave for college.”  When I said this to myself, it made me cry inconsolably.  Damn, that’s bleak.  

These episodes are getting more frequent now as our nest nears it’s emptying…clearly a time for a little extra grace. 

When Ellis, Lucy and Willa were growing up, I often did a quick review at the end of the day, asking myself one simple question: Did I love them more than I was pissed off at them?  I don’t remember ever answering, NO.  It was all the encouragement I needed to wake up and mother them another day.

Happy Mother’s Day 2018!

An Absurdist Mother’s Day

I woke up early (ever earlier than usual today) at 5:00 and the birds were chirping and the sun was shining. I walked out into the garden to have my coffee and take some photos of spring growth. It seemed like a lovely time to reflect on Mother’s Day. Here are my dominant thoughts on the subject of MOTHERING.

1. It’s ridiculously hard and it’s often quite funny. If I can find the funny more often, then it makes the hard a lot more tolerable. I feel that our home life is way more like Theater of the Absurd than anything else.

Happy Mother’s Day everyone. Enjoy the day!

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