Some mornings I feel settled, calmly visiting with Jeff over coffee, reading what I choose, editing photos, and having a bit of discipline not to jump from thought to thought.
Today, however, was definitely not one of those days, maybe the snow threw me off, yesterday was SPRING for goodness sake.
I looked at my browser history for some insight. I could somewhat follow my own tracks. However, if I disappeared today even the most intuitive detective would not know where to begin to understand my bread crumbs…sourdough, whole wheat, cranberry walnut, cheddar jalapeno, then a lone Dorito perhaps?
OOhhhh, I want a cheddar jalapeno bagel now, I can finish this later…or maybe not at all.
Try being a detective and see if you can decipher your own state of mind. I didn’t solve anything. However, I am stepping away from the screen for a whileand doing something else.
Here are my links, as if you don’t have enough bread crumbs of your own.
I don’t excel at sleeping. I really never have, but now in middle age, my sleep is interrupted constantly. I’ve decided to not fight it, embrace my natural rhythms and see how the universe wants me to use my extra waking time. Last night was no exception.
I went to sleep around 10:30 and was wide awake at 2:50. Our cat, Karen was sleeping soundly next to me. My husband is gone and I don’t mind waking up Karen, so I felt free to roam. I got up to pee and I noticed that all of the windows were covered with the soft, haze of humidity.
The whole world seems to be trapped in heat and haze right now.
I wondered how I could photograph Cape Cod’s humidity in the middle of the night without leaving my bedroom. I took a few shots. The camera wasn’t capturing what I could see. I decided that wasn’t the inspiration I was searching for, not at all what the universe wanted me to do in the middle of the night on August 9th.
I decided to get back into bed and listen to a guided mediation on the INSIGHT app, which I highly recommend. I have a favorite voice, Sarah Blondin who guides me with her Live Awake series. I consider her a very close friend. Sarah’s voice and words have provided so much, well, insight and spark since I downloaded the app in January.
This morning at 3:10am I chose Life is Kind. Here is the start to her meditation.
“Though we are strangers, we are kindred in spirit. There’s no difference between us. We are the same.
We are here in the name of our hearts, in the name of opening, in the name of unstitching what has overtime grown closed within. We are each here in the name of reuniting with our soft centers. It is the place we are most alive, most accepted, most whole.
It is where we seek refuge from the from the weight of the world.”
I fell back asleep shortly after these lines and had a remarkable, beautiful and kind dream.
and a little quiet, introspection and organization did wonders for my mind, body and spirit. Last night I ran out to Barnes and Noble for a book and grabbed a magazine next to the checkout called FLOW. It spoke to me. I woke early this morning and decided a habit I want to create is reading something inspiring in the morning instead of news—aaarrgggh NEWS. I fed my cat, Karen, blended lemon, parsley and ice (after a summer of beer, potato chips and ice cream a correction is necessary), made coffee and sat down to dive into FLOW.
“Celebrating creativity, imperfection and life’s little pleasures.” REALLY?
WOW. I was right. FLOW was utterly inspiring and if I was disciplined and organized enough to publish a magazine this is what it would be. Astrid and Irene are clearly my long lost sisters (and new heros) from the Netherlands. I’m reading the English edition, unfortunately I don’t speak Dutch. I bet I missed out on some amazing Dutch words that were lost in the translation. This is the quote below the title. I need every back issue now.
“No need to hurry. No need to sparkle.
No need to be anybody but oneself.” —Virginia Woolfe (1882-1941)
The first article was about positive psychology(which I’m studying) and how small changes in our lives (kaizen, I’ve written about this before) can net big shifts in our lives. The article talked about thinking in terms of solutions, not problems and looking for small ways to bring forth more joy in our lives. LITTLE STEPS, BIG CHANGES.
“It is easier to see things in black and white than to pay attention to all the grey tint in between.” —Dutch philosopher and psychologist, Gijs Deckers
“Big, bigger and biggest often doesn’t lead to happiness. It’s the small things that make people happy.” page 17.
Next was this picture of my hero, Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera in Kahlo’s studio at Casa Azul. Now, I can’t stop smiling by this point and I’m only on page 18…
then this quote. Oh, my sister. I will write about my sister. We have a story to tell.
Then there were interviews with a jewelry artist from Poland, a family living off the grid in British Columbia and an illustrator living in London. That’s as far as time allowed this morning. If I had the whole day, I would throw a blanket in my yard and devour every word. I can’t wait until I get back into FLOW.
On page 33 is an article by journalist Catelijne Elzes in celebration of rainy days…my favorite and most inspiring kind of days, throw in fog and I’ll swoon all day. I can’t wait to read that article. Really, Irene and Astrid, lets do lunch…
I have to get to get to work on my designs for STRUT…I have only 11 days. Picking something up that spoke to me randomly got me thinking about connections. I believe when we’re looking for meaning and connections (threads) in our lives they keep revealing themselves. We just have to be on our toes or we can miss them. I often miss them.
I know a lot of people don’t believe in coincidences, magic or spirits…however, I choose to. I will be searching for little signs of magic all day and I have hunch that I just might be able to find some more.
I hope you have a great day and experience a little magic today too. We all are deserving of some.
I, am an insomniac. My brain often doesn’t allow me to sleep. I have, for most of my life considered it a gift that I didn’t need much sleep. But, alas now at the tender age of 47 I find myself not quite functioning as well on 4-5 hours of rest as I did when I was younger…and my creative life is suffering. I wish I could say that this is a new issue for me, but it is not. I walked in my sleep as a kid (sometimes waking with swimsuits on, or having made myself a quart of ice tea, or once even walking home from a “lock in” (allegedly locked in) at my church one block away from my home. That night I didn’t awaken until I was knocking on the door.
I am going to explore the depths of my sleep (and lack thereof) with a cognitive behaviorist who specializes in sleep issues. I am writing about this today because my focus is beyond fuzzy. I couldn’t possibly get to a place of insight right now. So, now I am about to res. I feel quite guilty about resting in the middle of the day. However, I’m a menace to society if I’m driving and not very pleasant to be married to or parented by. FATIGUE. REST. INSIGHT.
I think this is a common problem with creatives. Occasionally I wish that I didn’t see so much potential in everything, but I don’t know another way and all these possibilities keep me awake. I would be curious if this is an issue you’ve dealt with. Please e-mail if you have a story or a trick about what worked for for you. Sweet Dreams.