humidity, wakefulness & meditation

I don’t excel at sleeping. I really never have, but now in middle age, my sleep is interrupted constantly. I’ve decided to not fight it, embrace my natural rhythms and see how the universe wants me to use my extra waking time. Last night was no exception.

I went to sleep around 10:30 and was wide awake at 2:50. Our cat, Karen was sleeping soundly next to me. My husband is gone and I don’t mind waking up Karen, so I felt free to roam. I got up to pee and I noticed that all of the windows were covered with the soft, haze of humidity.

The whole world seems to be trapped in heat and haze right now.

I wondered how I could photograph Cape Cod’s humidity in the middle of the night without leaving my bedroom. I took a few shots. The camera wasn’t capturing what I could see. I decided that wasn’t the inspiration I was searching for, not at all what the universe wanted me to do in the middle of the night on August 9th.

I decided to get back into bed and listen to a guided mediation on the INSIGHT app, which I highly recommend. I have a favorite voice, Sarah Blondin who guides me with her Live Awake series. I consider her a very close friend. Sarah’s voice and words have provided so much, well, insight and spark since I downloaded the app in January.

This morning at 3:10am I chose Life is Kind. Here is the start to her meditation.

Though we are strangers, we are kindred in spirit. There’s no difference between us. We are the same.

We are here in the name of our hearts, in the name of opening, in the name of unstitching what has overtime grown closed within. We are each here in the name of reuniting with our soft centers. It is the place we are most alive, most accepted, most whole.

It is where we seek refuge from the from the weight of the world.”

I fell back asleep shortly after these lines and had a remarkable, beautiful and kind dream.

I’ll share that dream with you tomorrow.

 

fatigue • rest • insight

fatigue rest insight blogpost lillibridge

I, am an insomniac. My brain often doesn’t allow me to sleep. I have, for most of my life considered it a gift that I didn’t need much sleep. But, alas now at the tender age of 47 I find myself not quite functioning as well on 4-5 hours of rest as I did when I was younger…and my creative life is suffering. I wish I could say that this is a new issue for me, but it is not. I walked in my sleep as a kid (sometimes waking with swimsuits on, or having made myself a quart of ice tea, or once even walking home from a “lock in” (allegedly locked in) at my church one block away from my home. That night I didn’t awaken until I was knocking on the door.

I am going to explore the depths of my sleep (and lack thereof) with a cognitive behaviorist who specializes in sleep issues. I am writing about this today because my focus is beyond fuzzy. I couldn’t possibly get to a place of insight right now. So, now I am about to res. I feel quite guilty about resting in the middle of the day. However, I’m a menace to society if I’m driving and not very pleasant to be married to or parented by. FATIGUE. REST. INSIGHT.

I think this is a common problem with creatives. Occasionally I wish that I didn’t see so much potential in everything, but I don’t know another way and all these possibilities keep me awake. I would be curious if this is an issue you’ve dealt with. Please e-mail if you have a story or a trick about what worked for for you. Sweet Dreams.